Personal notes that played a key role in convicting child serial killer Lucy Letby were reportedly written under the guidance of counsellors to help the nurse manage severe stress. The handwritten notes, which included disturbing phrases such as “I am evil I did this” and “I killed them on purpose because I am not good enough to care for them,” were used as evidence during Letby’s trial.

Letby was convicted in 2023 for the murder of seven babies and the attempted murder of six others, including two attempts on one child. Earlier this year, she proclaimed her innocence while receiving an additional whole-life sentence for the attempted murder of another baby girl. She is currently serving 15 whole-life sentences for her crimes, committed at the Countess of Chester Hospital’s neonatal unit between June 2015 and June 2016.

Sources close to the case told The Guardian that the notes, labelled as confessions, were produced as part of a therapeutic process during counselling sessions. Letby was reportedly advised to document her troubling thoughts and feelings to cope with intense stress. The notes, written after some of her colleagues began suspecting her of murder, included references to her family, pets, and coworkers, and described recurring suicidal thoughts.

The prosecution built its case against Letby by highlighting incriminating phrases like “I am evil I did this,” which were repeatedly brought to the jury’s attention. However, other phrases in the notes, which were also considered confessions, included statements like “Why me?”, “I haven’t done anything wrong,” and “Police investigation slander discrimination victimisation.”

Some experts have dismissed Letby’s notes as “meaningless” and argued they held no value as evidence, especially if written as part of therapy. David Wilson, a professor of criminology at Birmingham City University, commented, “Many people say things under stress that may imply one thing but mean nothing, other than reflecting their underlying stress.” He added that if the notes were part of therapy, they should not be considered confessions.

Richard Curen, chair of the Forensic Psychotherapy Society, echoed this sentiment, stating that “doodling and journaling are ways to take control of one’s thoughts,” and do not indicate a confession. He noted that Letby’s response about the notes in court was “robust” and aligned with her explanation that she was expressing how she felt she was being perceived.

A public inquiry into Letby’s case is set to begin next week amid growing questions about the safety of her conviction. Sources revealed that Kathryn de Beger, the head of occupational health and wellbeing at the hospital where Letby worked, had encouraged her to write down her feelings to cope with extreme stress. Letby’s Chester GP also advised her to write down thoughts she found difficult to process.

Letby had received several counselling sessions from Ms. de Beger, and her notes frequently referenced her. During her trial, Letby explained that she had always written things down to help understand her feelings, describing the notes as random thoughts. She questioned herself, wondering if she had unintentionally caused harm by not being knowledgeable enough or by not being a good enough nurse.

In her defence, it was argued that the notes reflected her distressed state of mind after being accused of killing babies, rather than an admission of guilt. Her defence barrister, Ben Myers KC, previously argued that the prosecution’s case was “riddled with guilt” and that everything Letby said or did was interpreted as evidence of her guilt.

Despite this, no expert forensic psychologists were called to testify on how the notes should be interpreted. The Countess of Chester Hospital declined to comment on the case while the inquiry and further investigations are ongoing.